That the man I am may cease to be

Or when the Moon was overhead,
Came two young lovers lately wed;
"I am half sick of shadows," said
The Lady of Shalott.

It is very likely that Tennyson's son is right and that these lines were numimous and had particular meaning for Tennyson. It is quite possible that there was a luminary whom Tennyson believed shone more brightly than himself, that he stood scowling behind the curtains as that luminary strutted upon the stage. After all, how could he know that he was to be such a conduit of light and that we would be sitting here examining his words, naming him master?

Curiously, upon reading your words tonight I pulled down my aged copy of Tennyson. It belonged to my grandfather. My mother gave my sister my grandfather's Bible and me his beloved copy of Tennyson. Clearly my mother is very perceptive and had her two daughters pegged. This copy of Tennyson still has the marker my grandfather placed in it on the day he died. He had been reading Maud and had actually marked these lines

Ah God, for a man with heart, head, hand,
Like some of the simple great ones gone
For ever and ever by,
One still strong man in a blatant land,
Whatever, they call him, what care I,
Aristocrat, democrat, autocrat -- one
Who can rule and dare not lie.

And ah for a man to arise in me,
That the man I am may cease to be.

These very words reinforce the notion that Tennyson may have felt that his work was diminished by the work of other luminaries, that he was a shadow dweller in comparison.

As for my grandfather who marked these words? Given how little respect my mother had for him, I imagine that he had cause to repent his cowardice, had cause to wish that 'a man might arise in him', that the man he was might cease to be. Each of their lives would have been so different if he had been stronger when his wife died. But who of us are perfect?

And then there is Loycha -- the perfect place where all desires can be met ... but you can only go alone, and must leave everything behind.

Resilience! That is the word that forms in my mind. All I wish for is to be resilient. I have always taught my children to be resilient so that when I leave them behind I will know they can cope with what life hurls at them. At some point we must each leave everything behind anyway. But I am digressing I think faulcon.

Possibly Tennyson felt he was not leaving behind as much as another, but we know differently don't we?

Finally, another perspective?

Fernando Pessoa: Disappointed, surrounded

Why should I care that no one reads what I write? I write to forget about life, and I publish because that's one of the rules of the game.

It always disappointed me to read the allusions in Amiel's diary to the fact that he published books. That's where he falls down. How great he would be otherwise!

I've surrounded the garden of my being with high iron gratings - more imposing than any stone wall - in such a way that I can perfectly see others while perfectly excluding them, keeping them in their place as others.

To discover ways of not acting has been my main concern in life.

(Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet, Penguin Books,
translated from the Portuguese by Richard Zenith)